A lot of things have been on my mind lately. I’ve just really been thinking about a lot of things. Mainly my future, how we as people are, as well as some other stuff. Thinking can be a bad thing because we as humans tend to dwell on the things we shouldn’t be because it just brings us down or the devil starts throwing stupid thoughts into our minds. But when your thoughts are God centered, when they are being led by the Lord, then man…new things just start to come up and a change of thinking, a change of heart, a change in your being just occurs. Not to mention God just speaks to you…literally.
Growing up, I knew a lot of people. Very involved with the Chinese community and with a lot of other things. However, no matter how involved I was, no matter how much work I did or anything like that, I was still an outcast. And this has been something on my mind for a long long long long….you get the point….time. 
If you put me in a place with asians….it’s guaranteed I know at least 1/4 of them and they would know me. A lot of people know who I am without me even knowing who they are. However, even then, I’m still the outcast. If I wasn’t so involved, if my parents hadn’t gotten me into so many things and if I had not enjoyed doing a lot of what I do, no one would seek my help for anything. It’s because I’ve been doing things for so long in the community, helping out in so many areas and doing things for other people like my parents raised us to do that people know me. Now, you would think that that’s a great thing. However, once people are done with you, they just throw you aside until you are needed again. What a life huh? Gotta love it.
I just look at my life now and well, it hasn’t changed much. In fact, now that I know Christ, I’m even more of an outcast. The call to be holy separates me even more from people. I have felt this way for a really really long time. In fact, this was the same reason I almost committed suicide before I knew Christ. Being outcasted, unloved by my peers. No one wanted to hang out with me. I was never called to just talk to on the phone. Although my parents loved me, they “showed” me in a very tradition Chinese kind of way….never saying they did and always pointing out my faults and yelling/screaming at my mistakes. What a way to grow up huh? Never being told “I love you”. Never once hearing really positive, encouraging, uplifting, caring, and from the heart words from the people that I did see. Giving to the best of my knowledge only to be met with nothing but being used. Wow….how depressing. Being easily swayed because I had no self esteem, no sense of who I was, no sense of what I was doing on earth, and a lot of other really bad things. But for something funny…..I’ve always been hurting during my life and I wanted to take my life, but at the same time, I was sooo afraid of death. The devil is the author of confusing meaning that guy must be confused, which would make him stupid. “Wayne, kill yourself, yet I’m going to instill the fear of death into you.” Wait wait wait…I mean…HOW?! How does that work? So just lately, I’ve really been thinking a lot about it. When I’m with people, it’s always the polite words, the fun times, the smiles and warm words. However…seeing people’s actions among a lot of other things I see, I could be very very wrong, but I continuously get the impression that people don’t really want to hang out with me. I hear all the time, “yeah, we gotta get together sometime and talk more.” <– never happens. “I really want to sit down and learn more from you.” <– never happens. I get a lot of other things that never come to pass. I know people are busy, people have their lives, things come up, life gets in the way, etc. etc. However, we always find time for our family, our closest friends, the people we see everyday. Why can’t me make time for others too? Not comfortable? Maybe. That guy is just a little weird? Maybe. I know how busy life can get…I’m still alive. I have school again (although it’s not a lot), I work to support myself, and I’m involved with a church looking to be even more involved with other things in the future. However, we have become a society where we say things because we are trained to say them. We don’t stop and listen to ourselves, to see if we really mean what we say.
Now that I’m Christian, I really love people more than I realizesometimes. And it’s not so much my love, but the Father’s love pouring out of me. I want to spend more time with those I really care about and want to see grow into great men and women. I want the people I know to find out early who they truly are, to find out early what God has called them to do, to find out early what their purpose is here on earth. Most of all, I want the people I know to know that they know that they know, that they are loved. Not only by me, but moreso by the One who sent me. Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the same yesterday, today and forever loves all of us with an everlasting love. Regardless of all that crap I just mentioned above, I’m very happy and joyful now that I’ve gone through all that and I’m very use to it. Praise God!! Why? Why would I be excited about being outcast? Why would I be excited about being pushed away, ignored, not liked by even those that say they are Christian? That’s kind of ridiculous don’t you think? If I hadn’t gone through everything back then, I would really hate God now. Now that I’m a Christian, if it had not been for my past, I would be such a bitter person right now. Now that sounds kind of backwards, but it’s the world that’s messed up, not God. Because I have found that the biggest persecution comes from within the church whereas it should be the church that builds and helps. I have found the heaviest rejection from people in church. They may not mean it directly, but it comes and people don’t realize it because they are the ones committing it. They don’t see it from the other person’s point of view.
No matter how bad though, I don’t show anything in front of others. Because honestly, there’s nothing to show. I take things into my prayer close with God and no matter what I’m going through, what I’m experiencing, I’m always laughing, happy and joyful, it’s not fake. I know what’s in store for me after life here on this earth. I know what awaits me on the “other side”. God has really blessed me with the rejection and opposition that I get. How is that a blessing? Because I wouldn’t be the man I am today had it not been for that one trial called Rejection. The other trial called Persecution. Another trial called Denial. A desert called Lonliness. A trial called Outcast. Another trial called Ignore. I’m not a bitter person from all that. In fact, all those things have helped me see God and understand Him so much more. Why? Because we as people call on God when we need something. When things are going great, we ignore Him. Throughout the day, we just do what we want and ignore the Holy Spirit whom is trying to communicate with us non-stop. When something that doesn’t go the way we want, we reject God. When we get pushed away from someone or a group, we blame God. When asked about our faith, we deny Him because it’s not cool. We are afraid to be by ourselves and so we try to occupy that time with other people and things leaving God all alone. We talk about our own interests and we do what we want to do and we outcast God from our acivities.
So because of my life, I am who I am today because God has molded me and shaped me into this man I am. I’m not bitter, but just the opposite, grateful. I don’t hate, but just the opposite, I truly love with an everlasting agape love. I’m not angry, I’m sad that people are the way they are. In fact, God is taking me yet again in another direction. It’s going to require a lot of alone time with Him and a lot of time away from the people I want to hang out with and chat with. Oh well, I’ve learned to listen and I’ve learned to obey. I still rebel every now and then, but I repent and God will forgive. The place that He’s placed me in is a position that not many people want. In fact, there are times where I don’t want it either, but my heart says differently about the future and what He has called and placed within me regarding it. For my future to be the way He wants it to be, I have to go through some things now so I’ll be able to handle any and all things later on. Praise God!!! It’s really tough on my emotions. It’s really tough on my feelings. It’s really tough on me physically. It’s really tough on me period. However, what is the price we are willing to pay for our futures? What is the price we are willing to pay for God? For Jesus? For that day of Judgement? What is the price we are willing to pay for the anointing? What is the price we are willing to pay for other people’s salvation? What is the price we are willing to pay so people can hear the gospel and come to know Christ? For nothing else is more important than helping people find a relationship with Jesus Christ. For the things I want to see, for the kind of ministry I want to have, there’s A LOT I have to “sacrifice”. I don’t see it as sacrifice, but a lot of people do.
That’s another reason why even now I’m not asked to go out and do things. Because I simply don’t partake of the same things. I don’t watch rated R movies. I don’t download music and music videos. I don’t party. I don’t drink. I don’t listen to secular music. I don’t do a lot of the things that people do. Am I missing out? Of course I’m missing out. If I’m not doing those things, I’m missing out. But is it worth it? What’s more important? While others are out doing stuff…I get left home alone and I’m seeking God and doing my thing. I left the first clubbing experience I ever had to sit in my car and listen to a sermon and seek the Lord while the rest of my friends were in the club dancing and having fun. I had my own party right outside in my car with my God. Praise Him!
God is so amazing. His presence and voice are so beautiful. He’s such an amazing God. Jesus is such a beautiful person. If you don’t know who He is, I encourage you to find out for yourself the truth of this world. The truth about God. For all who seek shall find and all who knock the door will be opened. Get a Bible out and read it. Find out for yourself who this Jesus is. Find out who the Holy Spirit is, the third part of the trinity. Find out about the Father’s Love. Find out about what He wants to do in your life and what He has placed you on this earth for. Find out why He sent Jesus. Find out why Jesus loves us as much as He does.
Father in Heaven, I just pray for all those that don’t know You. I pray that You will reveal Yourself in a great and mighty way. Besides the wonderful Earth You have created for us. I pray that You would show Yourself in a bigger way where people can’t deny that You are who You say You are. I pray that people will come to repent for their sins and turn towards You Lord. I pray that people will lay down their selfishness, their pride, everything and just come unto You humbly. I ask Lord in the name of Jesus that you bless everyone who took the time to read the post and the things You’ve placed in my heart and the words that You’ve had me put down. I ask Father that we all continue to better ourselves. That we continue to seek You everyday and do what You’ve called us to do. And Father, I just ask that you work on people’s hearts. That You will bring each and everyone to repentance and they would not reject or deny Your precious Holy Spirit. Lord, Your presence is so wonderful and I pray that You continue to reside in my room and wherever I go, all the time.
For those of you that don’t know Jesus and would like to receive Him as your Lord and Saviour. Just repeat this prayer out loud and mean it with all your heart. For the Bible declares that if you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, you will be saved. Pray this out loud and mean it with all you’ve got.
Heavenly Father, I humbly come before you in the name of Jesus. I admit to You that I am a sinner. Please forgive me Lord for all my wrath, all my rebellion, all my disobedience. I believe that You sent Your Son Jesus to this world to die for me. To pay the price of my sin. I also believe Lord that by Your power, Jesus rose again on the 3rd day and is now sitting at Your majestic right hand. Cleanse me and wash me now in the blood of lamb. Wash me white as snow. I am now a son/daughter of Your wonderful kingdom. Thank You Lord for loving me and saving me. I pledge my life to you forever. I am yours, now and forever. In the mighty Name of Jesus I pray. Amen. AMEN!!!
If you just prayed that prayer, I just want to welcome you to the family of God. This life is definitely a wonderful journey with Him as our leader. Get yourself into a great church where the Word of God is preached and interpretted correctly. Just make sure you are spending time with Him daily for those times are precious and no one can truly survive without those times of aloneness with God. I love you and want to welcome you once again to our wonderful family. Praise God!!! ^_^
In Him,
With Love,
Wayne Hsu and Holy Spirit 
